I'm not good enough Bella
by My own Apocalypse
Summary: Bella wonders why Jacob says he's not good enough for her. she doesn't know about the wolves yet.
1. Chapter 1

**Bella POV**

Jacob telling me that we couldn't be friends anymore was heartbreaking. I had no idea why he would do this to me; I had told him how I felt about us. I knew he liked me but I had only treated it as a crush. I thought he would get over it.

I should have figured out a long time ago that it was so much more than just a crush. He loved me. Or rather, he had loved me. Now we weren't even friends and I had no idea why.

After the movies two weeks ago where he had promised that he would always be there for me, he never talked to me again. He lied, obviously. He was just like any other fucking guy out there. He was just like Edward.

I hated what Edward had done to me. He left me in the woods and didn't bother to look back at me as he ran away from me. Fucking asshole. I hated every guy out there beside's Charlie. They all lie and I'm sick of it, I don't want to put up with their shit anymore. I didn't do anything to deserve being lied to did I? No. So why the fuck was it happening.

Jacob hadn't even given me a reason besides 'I'm not good anymore Bella.' It was a bunch of fucking bullshit. I was the one that was always pissed off with the world, how could he not be good compared to me? Stupid dickhead.

Some people can be so stupid sometimes. They wouldn't know if someone loved them if it hit them in their face.

I swear when I'm pissed off as you can see. It doesn't help the anger; it just releases it until it comes back for another round.

My life story pretty much. Jacob was the only person in the world that could calm me down enough not to swear my head off at random strangers.

He was gone know. For a reason I don't quite understand. All I knew was that he lied to me, just like Edward had all those months ago.

I was tired, emotionally and physically so I went to bed for a good night's sleep. I never had nightmares anymore since I had gotten over Edward months after he had left.

I loved sleep. It was so peaceful even when you had nightmares. It was peaceful to me because when you woke up you knew it was all a dream. I wanted to wake up from this awful dream I was having where Jacob had told me we would never be friends again.

It hurt so much. The pain was incredible like nothing I had ever felt. Not even when Edward had left me. It was unbearable.

I fell asleep; clutching my chest wishing the pain would go away.

--

I woke up after a dreamless sleep. They were the best dreams, the dreams where you couldn't feel anything. There was no pain or heartache in those dreams, which was why I liked them so much.

I rarely dreamt of happiness as it rarely came to me in real life. I only ever felt slightly happy when I was with Jacob. But like I said, he was gone now and there was nothing I could do about it, he made his decision to never see me again.

He had barely looked at me today when we were talking. Apparently, he didn't want to hurt me. I guess he didn't know that the only way for him to hurt me was to leave me.

And I would never be able to tell him.

He wouldn't answer his phone. He wouldn't ring.

If I saw him he wouldn't look at me. He wouldn't even say hi.

If I walked up to him, he'd turn his back. He'll ignore me for the rest of my life and I'll have no idea why.

I just wondered what I had done to make him act like this. He said it was his fault but I highly doubt that. It was because of me, I was sure of it.

I ignored his love and now he was ignoring me. Karma loves to bite you in the ass doesn't it?

Or it was fate telling me that I could never love nor be loved.

People say that the pain fades away. They're lying. It never fades away it just get easier to deal with.


	2. Chapter 2

**Bella POV**

I stopped calling Jacob. Not because I knew he wouldn't pick up but because I didn't want to talk to him.

I haven't seen him in about a week. A very long week as it was winter break. Charlie was always working and I was stuck at home with nothing to do.

I decided to get out of the house. It was an unusual sunny Saturday in Forks so I went to the beach with Angela. Ben was doing something with Mike so he didn't have to come along.

We walked up and down the beach for awhile, talking about what we had done while I was forgetting about Edward and what our plans were for the winter break.

While we were making our way to an old tree on the edge of the beach I noticed Jacob and his cult walking along the beach in out direction.

I decided to ignore them and I wished that they hadn't seen me.

I kept talking to Angela about College as they drew closer. Did they have to be here _right_ now?

"Hey Bella, isn't that your friend Jacob?" No. No, it wasn't anymore was it? We don't even talk to each other anymore and I have no idea why.

"No." I shook my head and looked towards where I knew Jacob would be. He was looking at me too, his eyes were filled with tears and I wanted to know what had caused then. Bad idea Bella, he hates you!

I looked at the others that were standing with him. Embry was there, although I hardly recognized him. They were looking between me and Jacob. I turned away hoping to forget the reason we weren't friends anymore.

Looking at him hurt too much, knowing that we'd never be friends again was hard enough as it was without having to see him.

I started to regret coming to La Push, I should've known he'd be on the beach with his cult. I had wished he hadn't been here but obviously god didn't listen to me. Once again I regretted coming here.

"Bella!" I heard Jacob yell after me. You could hear the urgency in his voice as he drew closer to where me and Angela were standing.

Shit, I didn't know what to do if he came over to talk to me. I had no intention of talking to him today, let alone ever really. Why did he have to be here today?

I stared at the calming water, watching the waves wash over the sand over and over again. The water was a perfect shade of blue, one you would see in a dream or in a movie.

I was still captivated by the scenery when Jacob's body blocked my view. He'd grown so much since the last time I had seen him. He looked at least a foot taller and he had cut all of his hair off.

"Bella." For the first time I noticed that his voice was deeper than I had ever heard it before.

He looked twenty-five not sixteen. I hated that he had cut his hair off; I had loved his long black hair. He had muscles now too; not the type when you're growing up but the type when you're on steroids or something like that.

"What do you want." I said refusing to look up at him. He had refused to look at me when I was talking to him the other day so I would do the same to him now.

"I want to talk to you." Well I don't want to talk to you so fuck off, is what I should've said since it was how I felt. I decided to get this over and done with since we can't avoid each other for the rest of our lives.

"About what?" I had no idea why he would want to talk to me after he told me we would ever see each other again.

"About me. About us." Had the other day been a dream? No. it couldn't be, otherwise it wouldn't hurt seeing him. If it had been a dream he wouldn't be with his cult.

"Last I remember there was no us. Remember? The other day when you said to me we could never be friends again?"

"I know, but things have changed."

"How?" I asked, how can things change so easily. He made no sense.

"Just sit down so I can explain it to you." He said pulling me over to where a piece of driftwood was lying.

He looked at me like he was about to pour his heart out to me.

His expression showed me he was telling me why he had said we couldn't be friends.


	3. Chapter 3

Jacob had just told me why he had to abandon me. He was a wolf; well he turned into one when he got angry. Did I believe him? Yeah, I did because the look in his eyes were nothing but truthful. I still didn't know why he couldn't see me though; he knows how hurt I was when he told me we couldn't be friends. It didn't make sense to me why he was telling me this now.

We were both sitting on the same log as we had a year ago when he was telling me about the legends of his tribe. He kept on looking at me for a long time and then he would turn away.

"Jake?" he turned his head towards me at the sound of his name. He looked a little scared of what I had to say to him, his eyes were pleading for me to understand why he had to leave me.

"Yeah, Bella?"

"I don't see why you can tell me this now? Why couldn't you have told me when I came to find you? I would've understood, like I do now."

He frowned, trying to find a way to tell me so that I would understand. "Things have changed now." Jacob said as he jerked his head back towards the water.

"I don't see how?" if things had changed then I was going to find out what. He can't just expect me to believe him when he wasn't being completely truthful.

"It just has, okay? Why can't you just believe me when I tell you something? I tell you a secret and you don't even believe me? What kind of friend are you?" ah, he really shouldn't have said that, not when he knows that I blow up at the simplest of things.

"Friend? Last time I checked you told me we weren't friends, so I'm sorry if I don't believe you. I'm sorry that I ever talked to you because obviously you want nothing to do with me." I dragged the last words out waiting for his reaction.

"You have no idea how I feel. You don't know how much it hurt to say those words to you when I knew how much it would destroy you but I _never_ regret knowing you. I care about you more than you think and—"

"You care about me? Is that why we're not friends anymore? Or is it because of this fucked up wolf thing?"

"Bella, you know how I felt about you before, why would that change now?"

"Because you don't hurt the people you love intentionally." I told him as I stood up in front of him.

He stood up to so that he was now towering over me. He was massive now, literally. He was shaking slightly as well, he was mad.

"Haven't you listened at all? I didn't want to hurt you! I love you and you know that—"

"Don't even dare say that you love me. You have no idea the hurt I've gone through over the past year. You don't know how much I depended on you and then for you to say that we couldn't be friends? It was horrible."

"I know, Bella. You don't know how sorry I am. I wish I could go back and change all of that but I can't and I'm so, so sorry."

"Then answer my question. Why are telling me this now and not when I came to see you?"

"I can't tell you now. I will tell you when you're ready. I promise I'll tell you."

"Whatever. I trust you but not completely."


End file.
